Well now the next question comes to my mind is why is there a need to blog. ummmmm i thought about it a lot many times and only possible answer i can come across is that this will be the only place where i can rant about anything. about myself, my life, things that i hate, people that i love bla bla bla bla.. i am a person who cannot express myself to any one.... my emotions , my wants, my needs... i just cant express.. i fear expressing myself might hurt others... and more over i dont want to impose myself on others..
for an example.. my mom n dad just had there 25th anniversary last weekend on sat. and a friend of mine was here so till friday i had only one plan to celebrate there anniversary. and at the same time because i was busy a friend of mine made a program with her friends to catch up a movie. suddenly all my plans failed as friend had to leave for his home town due to some urgencies. I told my friend that all plans failed as he had to leave but still i told her that i;ll be busy because she had made her own plan for that day. now i don't want her to miss the movie...... i mean come on guys no one loves backing out last minute so i pretended that i wud b busy whole day... i do understand that she had her friends too apart from me and how can i influence her to not to meet her frds and be with me always..... but i dunno where it went wrong she took it in a wrong way and then told me that i don't need to find excuses not to meet her .... c'mon... its like she had already made her plans and ruining them just for me probably i don agree to that but anyways things got bad just because she thought that i didn't wanted to meet her.. ummmm to make it worse i was taken over by my ego :D i don't know when will i get rid of this ego thing... seriously man .. as i said before when ego takes on me i am altogether a different person.. and may be i am insecure in my life with every relationship. fear of hurting someone;s feeling and finally they abandoning me is what i have in me. i can always say no one matters to me to cool down my ego and to give it a sweet candy but they do matter a lot. some part of my mind keep thinking about all those people and my blunders that i did...ahhh loosing actully hurt a lot and probably for a guy like me who just cant forget things will hurt far more and for a longer period of life.. the memory will haunt for ever of for a very very long time. and like every one i have got a +ve human in me and a -ve human in me.. and i am dominated by that -ve part of me more often.
here i go again... nevertheless here i can scream, yell abuse anyone... and ya 1 last thing i'll not mind my own business here...
some time i wish i can forget everything in my life and can be a different person altogether. you know abandoning my current life and starting a new one with a different name .... different nature... different thougts ..... no memories at all possibly less tension of life... you know something like that .... ahhhh i can actully give a everything for that..... but... am stuck here for now and i have to continue this ......
ya ya ya ya.. i knw all of you will say from here on try to make your life beautiful forget things ur past you have got whole of ur life.. wat are u just twenty something... you can make your life a better one easily... but believe you me guys.. its not that easy specially even when you have some happy moments and you remember your past attached to those happy moments.. the next second they are not happy moments...
something i miss in my last post i dont like crying. and i was reading that you feel light when you cry but what will happen when u cant cry ?? will that burden you more.. well yes that do burden your life a lot.. things which are in heart, in your mind... they do...
ok lemme end this blog here.. i have got a lot to crib about in my life that i will be writing here.. probably after this i might feel light..
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