how much should one suffer

on a first thought i was thinking that pain and sufferng was a way to make a human remember that he is still a human.. and good times and bad times are part of it.. but well wait.. on a second thought.. there are majorty of 2 humans.. who are never in pain and who are always in pain.. but there are i think 5-8% who are like normal.. pain and hapy times are equal..

unfortunatly i am under those group who are constantly suffering... for whome right from where day start, right from the moment i open my eye lids... its a start for new suffering.. new pain.. new problems.. new tensions.. fuck.... if its physical i can bear it... probably i am not a soft guy from outside.. umm pretty tough.. can take anything,,,, can go to any limit.. why cant it be like that God choose a period of time.. and give me as much physical pain he wanna give.. anything... but i am fed up of these mental pain... these mind games.. these bloody screw ups.. Gosh .. am just fed up.. saturated to the utmost level...

and then there are those people who have no tension.. god don even bother abt giving them ne pain.... they have wat they always want, they always get what they want..

cant he just pity on me for once. ??? hey God if u think we are also a part of u .. then notice me.. why are we here.. just to be an example for others...

i am fed up of this brain.... i wanna be a dumb guy... with no brain.. retarded yaah retarded.. atleast they dont have to think abt anything... they don have to understand anything.. infact they dont need anything in life... just some cloths and food to eat... they dont want car.. dont want jewellry, dont want laptops.... ipods.... tv... ac;s ... all they want are basic // food air water and shelter.. thats it... they dont think about wat to buy next. they dont have to take care of there car.. tensions of getting the car repaired... wearing super fine cloths.. or branded cloths.. levis, alen solly, van husan.. designer stuff.. ritu beri.. versache.. nothing.. just a plain and simple suit from the cheapest store will do for them..

so whos better we guys... who are cribing for anything and everything... inspite of having a fuckin air condited car to move in ... wearing the best of the cloths.. costliest of the shoes.. with money in the wallet jewelery on body... and still cribbing... and on another hand.. those whome we cal retarded.. wearing simple cloths.. no need for luxury when ever we meet them.. they are hapy like they got someting out of this word.. something that no one has...

bloody we are retarded..from our mind...from our thoughts...we are bloody squinted brains.. when some one gets something.. we crib about that think not being with us... and when some one suffer we feel srong... happy comparing ourself to other all the time..

and on very next hand.. these retarded... they are the one who truly enjoy your happiness... they wil never compare themself with us... never.. and they willbe more than happy infact more happy then us.. like its there own achievement.. for what ever we may have brought or achived..

any one who doesnt angry with me huh.... probabl lemme tell you i have known a person from my birth who has lost her mental balance and i have lived my life with her ... and wat i wrote is what i have been seeing.. these people never pretend.. if they are sad atleast they behave in the same manner if they are happy.. then no one is happier than them in this world...

there are many weird thought commin but i should hold down in here. those who are readin i am not pointing towrds anyone its just a feelin that i cant tell anyone...but i can write and i am extremly sorry incase i had hurt some one's feeling some one heart.. plz its a thought process that my brain goes which i cant control...the best of the organ is the worst of it for me - The Brain... see this fuckin brain even controls my eyes now..