A journey through thorns.

Suddenly his eyes opens and he can see the morning light coming into his room from the window which were still covered with beautiful curtains. it was a hot summer day with AC blowing at the lowest possible temperature, but still there were drops of sweat on his forehead. he went to the bathroom took a towel and wiped off his sweat. He had a bad dream, a dream that he cant remember but there was something unpleasant about that dream. it was already 6 in the morning and he has to get ready for the day. he came back to his room where he saw his wife sleeping and suddenly there was a smile in his face. his wife was due for a baby any moment of the day, it was just a matter of time. it was already her 9the month and 12th day.

he took out his cloths and went straight towards the only bathroom in his 2 room apartment. one of the room was already taken by his elder soon who was in 2nd standard. but from the day one there was something about the boy that bothered him all the time. he was never sure that his elder son would be able to take over the business that he is pursuing, which at that point was going into losses. and as the time passes he was sure that his elder son was not the one who would take on his seat once he retired. the moment he entered the bathroom to take shower he started worrying about the debt which he has to pay off. he remembered the day when he borrowed some funds from a man who has got not a good image in to market and if it wouldnt had been a desperate need of money he himself would have never come to him. But he wanted to invest the money in share market with a very strong tip from his best friend. but the tip was proving to be false and by that day he had already lost half of the money in the market.

He took his shower and got ready for the day. as he stepped out of the bathroom he could see his wife smiling with 2 slices of bread and a tea already placed on the table. he realized that he has taken more than half an hour to get ready and while he was thinking about the losses in the business his wife was already making breakfast for him. He went straight towards her and kissed her forehead. had his breakfast and he was ready to take on the day only thinking what worse could happen today. as the stock market had already crashed in previous week and there was no scope of any recovery in near future. as he entered his small office and started the very old computer that he recently purchased from a shop keeper, so that he can at least be ready to witness the opening of the market, may be he might can recover some money today. as he waited for stock market to open he got a call from one of his acquaintance that Mr. kevin brockner wants his money back within 48 hours. after the call has ended he couldn;t think about anything other than his fate. what will happen if he is not able to repay the money to kevin brockner and suddenly his phone rang again. but this time it was from his friend rokiee mart and he gave him the news. the market that day has opened on a very weak note and that the shares he has purchased are making nothing but looses and adviced him to sell off all the stock that he has so that he can cut his further losses. as he placed the reciver back on the phone he was already thinking about the money that he owe to Mr. Brockner as today was no lucky day as well. he was again making losses and that how he was supose to tell Mr. Brockner that he has no money to pay and that he might has extend the deadline by some more days. he was complely drowned in the thoughts when again his phone rang. He picked up the call and after few minutes of listening to the caller he placed the reciver back again but this time the reciver wasnt placed on the phone in a proper way. as he placed the reciver partly over the phone and partly over the desk he couldn;t bother has he put the reciver back properly or not and withen seconds he was sweeting badly. he closed his office for the day and took a cab straight to St. peter hospital.

Life and Death

Whenever i am Depressed or angry i tend to read about life and death and frankly speaking this topic actually has the power of calming me down. I in no way would like to title myself as a negative person in life who wants to die but then i do understand that in the END nothing matters. All that matters is that you should die with "Smile in your EYEs" and not with a "Pain in your EYEs".

So like always i searched for some nice topic to read through and i came across this very very nice article. This actually talks about Life and not death but as death is a part of life it is impossible to divorce these two words from each other.

One line that pops up in my mind - There is no life without death and there is no death without life.

Though the article is based on a movie called "Fifty First dates" but with a different angle. How about waking up everyday with no memories of previous day ?? sound similar to the movie..right.. not knowing where you were.. what you were doing day before and even unaware about what sleep actully is ... waking up every day with nothing in brain or with a blank memory (Just like a formated Hard Disk). The way he managed to explain the experience in words is worth an applause.

I am pasting the article here.. the article is written by "Harley Hahn" so all the credit goes to him.

The article is called "Thinking about death"

Imagine a group of primitive human beings who have no understanding of what it is like to be alive. Each day, they awake with no memory of the day before: every day and every experience is brand new. They have no knowledge of waking, sleeping, or anything else.

At the beginning of a new day, the primitive beings are happy. As they wake up, they have a sensation of being alive. They see the horizon become lighter and they hear birds sing. As the day progresses, they find many sources of delight: the smell of a flower, the sound of water rushing in a river, the feel of warmth on their skin. They look up and see a large, bright glowing globe along way away.

All of a sudden, something covers the globe and everything begins to grow dark. Then the globe vanishes and the primitive beings become scared. They look up and see a large gray covering. Water starts to fall on them.

The beings grow more and more scared and they huddle together. As the water falls faster and harder, they see great flashes of light and hear deafening roars of unknown sounds, and they become petrified. They shelter together helplessly, with no idea of what is happening or what they should do.

Eventually, the water stops falling, the flashes of light and the sounds disappear, and the gray covering vanishes. The bright globe reappears. The primitive beings still don't understand, but they feel more comfortable. They leave their shelter and walk around, exploring what they can see and, once again, enjoying what they find.

Hours later, they notice that the light is becoming fainter and fainter. As the shadows lengthen, the beings become more and more apprehensive. The sounds and smells of the day vanish, to be replaced by ominous shadows and unfamiliar noises. Once again, they huddle in fear. The light and comfort they enjoyed so much has vanished. They begin to feel cold, and they don't know why.

As the long hours of darkness wear on, the primitive beings sit in fear, not knowing what is happening or what to expect. One by one, each being notices a sense of fatigue steal over him, and he feels his consciousness start to leave. He fights it as long as he can, but eventually, the fatigue becomes too much. Scared and helpless, amid mounting anxiety, he loses his consciousness, fighting to the last.

We, of course, recognize what has happened. The primitive beings woke up, watched a sunrise, experienced a thundershower, lived through the day, watched the sun set, and, growing tired, fell asleep.

We know this because, to us, these are normal parts of life: the sun rising and setting, our sleeping and waking, and even thunderstorms. Because we can remember and understand, falling asleep holds no particular fear for us.

If we could talk to these primitive beings, we would say, "Don't be afraid. You don't understand everything that is happening around you, but if you could, you would not be afraid. It's part of a large system and it is okay — a part of nature."

But what about our own lives and our limitations? What do we really know about birth and death?

From our own experience, we know nothing about what happens before we are born or what happens after we die. To us, these facets of existence are locked away and inaccessible. We know as little about these experiences as the primitive beings in our story knew about light and darkness, or wakefulness and sleep, or thunderstorms and sunlight.

Throughout our lives we see inexplicable things happen to the people around us — they are born, they flourish and they die. Like the primitive beings, we don't understand these things, and we can't really explain why they happen.

What we can't understand scares us, and this fear makes us unhappy. To cope with the fear, we create myths, legends and belief systems, which we incorporate into our religions and into our culture.

When we are honest with ourselves, we can see that it is difficult, perhaps even impossible, for human beings — just like the primitive beings in our story — to step back and see the large, complete picture.

But what if we could? What if we were able to understand the patterns and forces that comprise the grand system into which we were born?

I wonder what we would see.

After reading the article i wish i was one of those primitive human beings who have no memory of the previous day or previous life. For there will not be any pain and suffering because of the previous life. it will be an adventure everyday.. learning about nature eberyday.. experiencing rain, sun, water, thirst etc every day.

Good people, Bad people

I seriously feel disgusted now, People acting so disrespectfully to there own self-esteem for there own needs, there own wants and there own demands. plain mean people, to fulfill there need they can leave some one...accept some one or probably accept many just to get what they want one way or the other. These people have no self respect at all. or should i say they USE people to satisfy there demands and needs. Using all the options they have or they can have. They do not want to let go anyone from there life... so they continue with many and trying to get what they want... and what wil happen in future... i think anyone will guess that.. the moment they get what they were looking for, they will abandon those who couldn't fulfil there desire and accept the one who fulfill them. Playing with many hearts at the same time. I dont know about others but i have been a complete fool, for may be i am too stupid as a human that i close my eyes towards all sort of evil and think that they will not harm me.

Probably i have come across with many types of human in life and i must admit this species is the one whome i never want to be in contact with ever, through out my life but my fate they were part of my life, and from here on i would use the word "Once". Yes once they were part of my life. How will it feel when one comes to know that he is nothing more than an "other" Option in her life and if he doesn't give what the bitch want, he will be discarded the very same moment from her life. and to make the matter worse the HE loves the Fuckin SHE so very much. i seriously pitty that she.. for she may think she have found a piece of gold for what she was looking for but unknowingly she lost a Diamond.

But then this is life my friend, people use others for there desires..and the worst of the feeling is knowing that you were used

I am sill continuing my life on one principle :-

in end
Gud people meet Gud people
and mean people meet mean people.

Or should i say...

Gud people only meets mean people...

Hazaaron Khwahishain 'eisee

Though i don like listening to ghazal but then today i would like to count as an exception. But there is something about this ghazal that attracts me towards it.. towards the wordings(lyrics).. but though i do not understand some of its words still i like listening to it... here;s the lyrics that i wrote while listening to it..

hazaaron khwahishain 'eisee ke har khwahish pe dam nikle
bohot nikle mere armaan lekin fir bhee kam nikle

The best line

nikalna khuld se aadam ka sunte aayain hain lekin
bohot be aabru hokar tere kooche se ham nikle

mohabbat mein naheen hai farq jeene aur marne kaa
usee ko dekh kar jeete hain jis kaafir pe dam nikle

Truly said

khuda ke waaste parda na kaabe se uthaa zaalim
kaheen 'eisa na ho yaan bhee wohee kaafir sanam nikle

kahaan maikhaane ka darwaaza 'ghalib' aur kahaan waaiz
par itana jaante hain kal wo jaata tha ke ham nikle

is "Need" a "suffering" ??

Nows a time for some serious talks.. i was just having a discussion and then suddenly we came to a stand still for one question. can once NEED ever be a SUFFERING. lets just think about one situation where you need something and you cannot love without. and now to add a nice twist to the story what if that need itself gives you lots of suffering ? so you are stuck in a position where if do not fulfill ur need you Suffer.. ur heart suffer.. ur bain suffer.. and if accept it then again its the same story..

so can we say we are wanting to suffer cause we have choosen a need through which we only can suffer one way or the other ?? how funny is it.. aint it ? needing something that will make us suffer. well from here on

so now if someone;s in this position what is he/she suppose to do ? when both the ways leads to only one ending, only suffering, pain....

Ahh wat the heck.. cant there be one day day dat i get wat i want... may be not..

Silence that cuts like a knife...Words that wound like a sword...

Melancholy

I was going through thesaurous and suddenly my eyes got sticked to a word :melancholy: i tried to look away from it and the more i wanted to look somewhere the more i find myself concentrating on the particular word. and then finally i clicked on the word to find out wat it actully means..

A slow steady and deliberate step towards depression

Now i wonder why my eyes couldnt let go the word. Do eyes have there own controling system that even brain can't take over ? i certainly feel Yes there is something that even brain can t control.

Eye;s found a word which suits my state of mind... Strange...